


The Universe Or Nothing

by Kolivans (arka_r)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Kolivan Week 2018, Mention of torture, Original Character Death(s), Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 05:07:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13264338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/Kolivans
Summary: Before Voltron, Kolivan was a fighter, a survivor, a scholar, ason.Written forKolivan Week 2018.





	The Universe Or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> if you read my older works, you'll probably find some easter eggs i put into this fic

It was supposed to be yet another infiltration mission.

 

The Blade of Marmora had intel regarding to one of the Empire’s facility. A factory; one that manufactured drones, sentries, and fighters. They were supposed to get some data and sent out five agents: Blade Leader Karituk, Vehtra, Iskari, Danai, and Kolivan.

 

Then, something went horribly, horribly _wrong_.

 

They didn’t know what it was; perhaps their activity alerted the security system. Or perhaps their intel was inaccurate. There were so many variables to consider and so little time. All they knew was it all happened very fast.

 

“The mission is compromised”, Leader Karituk’s voice shouted through the comm, jolting Kolivan into alertness. “Extraction point in three _dobosh_.”

 

Dimly, Kolivan could hear gunfire before it was cut off.

 

They packed up their hacking tools and ran as fast as their legs could carry. It was already a chaos in the passageways; Galra evacuating and sentries running. Kolivan was dressed in technician armor they stole earlier, their face hidden behind the helmet. It was easy for them to return to the hangar unsuspected.

 

They were the first to reach the ship. When three _dobosh_ passed, Kolivan _knew_ the protocol in this situation. Every member of the Blade of Marmora understood the risks when they went on a mission like this; they understood that their mission was bigger than each individual. That sometimes, there was nothing they could do but to retreat, to survive; so they could continue the fight another day.

 

Kolivan _knew_ this.

 

They attempted to comm Leader Karituk first. There was no answer but static. _Perhaps his mask was broken_ , they tried to reason, but still they couldn’t help worry growing like parasites deep in their gut. They refused to believe that their Leader, their mentor, and their _father figure_ really couldn't make it back to the ship.

 

They waited until the last possible moment, until the sentries suspected something and began firing at the ship. Kolivan shot back, using the gun they stole. They waited until the commander stationed at the factory—Commander Horkel—came to handle the situation.

 

Commander Horkel famous for his ruthlessness, for his gigantic quintessence-charged warhammer that could pulverize even a fighter ship in one swing. When he showed, Kolivan _knew_ what they had to do several _dobosh_ ago.

 

They left.

 

Under heavy barrage of ion cannons and fighters, they took the ship out of the orbit. They weaved through laser beams and ion charges alike, threading through the hole in an enclosing particle barrier as it sealed shut behind them. They piloted like a madman, like a Lorian—

 

 _“You pilot like a Lorian, boy”_ , Leader Karituk told them back when they were still a new Blade recruit, when they finished their first flight simulation. _“It used to be an insult to Non-Lorian Galra.”_

 

 _“But I_ **_am_ ** _Lorian”_ , Kolivan had replied, the joke completely flew over their head.

 

_“Exactly.”_

 

Kolivan gritted their teeth and gripped the controls tighter, refusing to break.

 

Now was not the time to grieve.

 

—

 

Per Blade protocol, Kolivan hyperjumped to the nearest Outpost just in case they were being followed. In there, they would be quarantined for one _dral_ to make sure that they were free of the Empire’s tricks or control.

 

Kolivan _hated_ this procedure with every fiber of their being.

 

Now even more so than before. As they sat alone in the small, empty room, the realization of the situation slowly began to sink in. They left with four other Blades and they came back _alone_.

 

A foolish part of them was expecting Leader Karituk to walk through the door and begin to lecture them about breaking the protocol. But none came inside and as the _varga_ ticked by, it was only then the hard realization finally set in—that they would never see Karituk again.

 

It was like a vault being opened, starting with small shaking of their shoulders until the sobs wracked their body. They wanted Karituk to comfort them, to reassure them that this was all not real.

 

Like a kit, they reached into the bond, only to receive nothing in return. The bond was silent, not yet broken, which could only mean that Karituk was still alive, somewhere, within the Empire.

 

Kolivan knew what the Empire would do to the rebels; Karituk would be thrown to the Druids and tortured for information. Even after, his body and mind would be used as experiment; a fate worse truly than death. Kolivan might not know first hand about it, but he heard reports from agents infiltrating the Empire. Reports that made them sick to their stomach and haunted their dreams for two _dralis_ after the fact. They couldn’t even begin to imagine it happening to Karituk, of all people.

 

They had to save him.

 

The thought hardened into a resolve. Kolivan searched around the contamination room and knew that there was a lock panel by the door. They could hack it, but shouted when electricity zapped them, enough to paralyze them.

 

“The quarantine session is not done yet, Kolivan”, Vanor’s voice came through the comm.

 

Kolivan gasped for breath as they curled like a ball on the floor, the pain was beginning to ebb. They glared at the panel, wishing that they could see Vanor. “Let me out, Vanor! I need to save Leader Karituk!”

 

“Your grief is clouding your judgement”, Vanor said, voice heavy with emotions that Kolivan couldn’t begin to understand. “Think clearly, what would Karituk want?”

 

Karituk wouldn’t want Kolivan to risk everything to save him. He named Kolivan as his Sub-Leader when Sub-Leader Ahhar was killed in a mission, named them their successor should something happened to him. He _believed_ that Kolivan would never let their emotions clouding their judgement, that they would be logical in all situation.

 

Embarrassment washed over them like a tidal wave, drowning them until they couldn’t breathe. They did all what Karituk believed they wouldn’t do—and they would risk the entire organization if Vanor hadn’t stopped them.

 

—

 

Once the twenty- _varga_ quarantine was done, Vanor immediately took Kolivan back to the headquarters.

 

The Blade of Marmora headquarters was an unused stratospherical station, inside a volatile gas planet. Only a member knew the safe path to weave between the raging perma-storm, and for once Kolivan was glad that they didn’t have to pilot. Vanor was a better pilot than them, anyway.

 

Antok was already waiting for them in the hangar, their single eye honed on Kolivan as soon as they walked down the ramp. They saw questions in that eye, and guilt twisted in Kolivan’s gut like a knife. Karituk might be like a father to Kolivan, but he was actually Antok’s genetic progenitor.

 

“Forgive me…” they whispered. But Antok merely pulled them into a hug so tight it felt like torture. “I couldn’t bring him back. Forgive me.”

 

“He knew the risks”, Antok replied, his voice rough and nearly incomprehensible. When he pulled away, his expression was grim. “There is something you should see.”

 

What Antok wanted Kolivan to see was a news article, so laughably short it was easy to miss between countless of news swirling in the interstellar network. It wrote about the rebels breaking into one of the Empire’s facility. It said the rebels died during their capture, when Kolivan knew that was not true.

 

There was no mention about execution for Leader Karituk. There was no mention anywhere in the article that those rebels were _Galra_.

 

It was like an insult.

 

A funeral for Leader Karituk, Vehtra, Iskari, and Danai was being held in the Mourning Room. It was short and quick, not enough for them all to mourn properly. At the end of it, Kolivan was named as the next Leader.

 

Nobody resented them for leaving Leader Karituk and other Blades; part of them wondered if it would actually hurt less if anybody resented them.

 

And yet, all of them were waiting for their decision about what they should do next, Kolivan realized as they saw worry and anxiety swirling like a raging storm. All of them wanted to know about how should they proceed following to Karituk’s death.

 

It felt like Cernos all over again—it felt like the life or death of countless of people were suddenly thrusted into their hand.

 

 _No_ , they thought. _It was different from Cernos_.

 

They were trained for this; Karituk prepared them for this. They knew what they should do with perfect clarity: to lead, to protect the legacy of the Blade of Marmora. To continue what Leader Karituk and two Leaders before him started. To oppose against tyranny. Their mission had to continue on.

 

Kolivan knew that the Blade of Marmora’s continued existence hinged on their first command after taking the mantle of leadership. It didn’t matter that Karituk was like a father to him. It didn’t matter that all they wanted was to weep, to scream, to rage, to exact vengeance against those who murdered Karituk. Kolivan’s feelings and want _didn’t matter_.

 

The Blade of Marmora had to survive. _That_ was what Karituk would have wanted.

 

“This is Leader Kolivan speaking to all agents. Our mission is compromised. All agents are to abort every single infiltration mission and escape to the nearest Communication Station, _effective immediately_.”

 

After the encryption was sent, Kolivan could feel the silence pressing down like gravity inside the Command Room. Thankfully, none of the high-ranked Blades said a thing; Vanor, Edias, Antok.

 

Because all of them knew, when the Empire suspected Galran rebel activity, none of their agents would be safe. _None of them would be safe_ , as a matter of fact. Kolivan didn’t want the Lament of Marmora to be repeated, not on their command.

 

For now, they would lay low and hide.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [my tumblr](https://xblackpaladin.tumblr.com/)!


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